I know why the baked bird sings

Thanksgiving morning, four AM, and here I sit by an open window. Yes, I'm cold, wrapped in a navy blue sheet, but it's nice to be affected by something. To be able to breathe the cold air of reality versus the synthetic air of the heater. All stuffy as it fills my tiny office. No thank you. I'd rather sit here shivering.

I have a long day ahead of me. Long days behind me. Busy and quiet, but I wanted to come home for the holiday and say hello; stick my head out like a little groundhog who sees her shadow. I get scared. Just one more week of NaNoWriMo. I hope you'll come and see my final word count next Thursday. I'm going to lose, but that's all right. If nothing else, it will affect me.

Off to write. Then it's off to get ready. Pack Baby Girl a bag of toys and snacks and drinks for the long day's road ahead. We're going up north to see my grandparents, her great grandparents, though we have to ride with my Mom on the way up there, and my sister on the way back. I dread it. I wish we could just stay home and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I live for those things.

The best part of Thanksgiving (not including the parade) is filling both our tummies with lots of dressing, not stuffing. Down here, we don't stuff our turkeys. We bake the bird and the "stuffing" separate, therefore, it's not stuffing at all, but dressing. I love it! Wish I could eat a whole plate of it while watching the parade, then snuggle up with Baby Girl, our full tummies. Finding out she was inside me three years ago today. Celebrate the fact that we're both here; thankful for each other, and all that we have; that Mommy quit smoking. Yay for me and the last three years of being smoke free!

So yes, dressing, and two great anniversaries. I hate that we’ll miss the parade, and the potential for naps, though I may sneak one in once we’re home. To stay up all night and morning, over and over, trying so damn hard to win that NaNoWriMo! A contest that is ruining my sleep, my health, my social life. I want it though. I WANT to win. I'm lonely as hell, and sad and depressed, and a million other bad things, but it's pulling a novel out of my heart and head like a dentist pulls a tooth from your mouth.

I hope everyone I know, and everyone here, and everyone everywhere has the most wonderful, lovely, warm and safe holiday! I wish I could make the rounds and tell everyone, Happy Thanksgiving! in a more one-on-one greeting card type way but I do have that novel, and the long day and road ahead. I miss my friends, though, and will be thinking of them. I am thankful for them. I hope they know my selfishness is only for the sake of writing. Limited time. I hope to leave this cold office laughing, for the happiness of being closer to winning that contest and the pride I long for. Should I lose, I'm still grateful for the words I've got so far. For being here long enough to write anything at all.